Loneliness of the Soul

Loneliness of the Soul is what i feel….i don’t truly know what that means but what i know is how i feel! I don’t think, i just feel….because love is felt not thought, it is experienced and not assessed in the practical scale of life. When that love is lost, it is replaced by a loneliness that is unbearable down to the core. That loneliness is felt 24/7 no matter how many people surround you, no matter how busy you are….it is the loneliness caused by a great loss of not only love but spirit as well! That to me is a loneliness of the soul….of my soul that has been torn apart from the other half that it finally found…a half that finally made it complete and gave it a serene, peaceful and loving existence in this world.

So yes, the loneliness of the soul is what I am left with to feel and relive everyday…..because I feel and don’t think…..

 

A pillar is all I needed

So they say i am strong, i take charge and try to control the wind, influence situations and sway the results! Does that make me a controlling individual, a person who must have their way or no way at all? Does that make me a perfectionist looking to perfect everything to my way, does it make me a ruthless and demanding person?

NO……it makes me a person who is confident, positive, never give up kind of person who is passionate about everything in life. It makes me a person who portrays a strong facade for the benefit of her loved ones, someone who can help encourage others with her positivity, optimistic attitude that is not willing to give up so that her fears and weaknesses don’t discourage or worry her loved ones. Why then people like me become infamous for their passion and take charge attitude? Afterall, just like everyone we also crave a strong pillar of strength against whom we can lean on and rest for a while or forever, someone whose love is forever reliable but it seems like no one is willing to be a pillar for the pillar? If that is so then how is it our fault that we have to be strong to take charge in life, why then do we get accused for leading? Someone has to lead…everyone cannot be a follower. If you are not willing to lead then don’t blame others for leading!

A pillar is all i needed but you weren’t willing to be that for me. So don’t accuse me of swaying the wind because if i don’t then it will blow me away into oblivion where i will be lost forever! I don’t want to be lost again because it hurts too much to be lost without love and life. I don’t have the strength to cope this time….a pillar is all i needed but a weak foundation is all i am left with!

 

I still Love You

It’s a gorgeous day today but inspite of the sunshine my world feels overcast! The shadow of sadness, pain, loneliness and incompletion hangs over me. Its amazing how just a little while back i used to be full of sunshine, happiness, love and a sense of being complete despite the days being gloomy and dark. You were the one who filled my life with so much joy and made me feel complete in every way. Why then did you change your mind without making an effort? You brought me peace and serenity and the feeling was mutual but how did that disappear all of a sudden? Why was my undying love, dedication, admiration, and trust not enough anymore? I love you with my heart and soul…..shouldn’t that be enough to give us another chance at a life together? I never asked for priority in your life but never knew that i never even existed anywhere in your life anymore! Why is it that by being so selfless i still was made to feel selfish and unreasonable? Does my love, dedication, selflessness and care for you have no weight that everything that bothers you is more powerful that it replaces all the positivity with negativity and bitterness? You say you still love me and want to be with me but can’t…..is your hurt so powerful that you wont even give me a chance to kiss that pain away, the pain that i unknowingly caused you? I still love you with my heart and soul so can’t you trust me once again with your heart? I wish and pray you would because i cant bear to live a life without you! I still love you my darling……every second of every day with every essence of my being!

 

A good cry….that’s all i need!

Do you ever get the feeling that you need a good cry? Do you ever hear a song and just want to keep listening and crying to it? Then you are a definite hopless romantic lost in your fantasy world who just wants the comfort of their out of control emotions being expressed in the form of tears. I am one such hopless romantic who just needs a good cry sometimes and needs to wallow in her sorrow. I am not ashamed of my sensitivity for suppressed emotions are more dangerous than expressed ones! I rather share how i feel than suppress them but at times others assume us to be emotional fools and weak. Little do they know that we are strong due to our emotions as they lead to passion which is very important in making any relationship work! My Passion is the food for my soul and it keeps the fire of love burning inside me. Those who dont understand the depth of this passion are unfortunate for they dont experience the complete depth and breadth of my love for them. It is the same love i try to give them but they cannot see it because they cannot see past their own needs, wants, desires, and pride! So when i experience such ignorance, my heart just bleeds through the tears of my eyes! At least it makes me feel better for a little while until i am ready for a good cry again…a good cry that is all i need to drown my sorrows, a good cry to make me feel connected to my emotions…a good cry is all i need to feel alive!

 

Insatiable….

Ever want a story to go on forever? I have! Just finished reading the Twilight Series……after 4 books and over 2500 pages, my need for Bella & Edward’s forever love is still Insatiable. I have never been much of a reader but these books have changed me forever……reading every night till almost 2am and at every chance I got….the need to keep feeling that strong bond of love remains insatiable. Surprising but true, I guess we all long for that never-ending happy ending that seems so plausible in books rather than real life. But the truth of that reality doesn’t stop us from getting drenched in that complete fantastical reality of the true love we all desire and yearn for! I guess that’s why they say that love is the essence of life and we end up losing ourselves in the reality of this so called emotion that is so hard to describe yet so easy to feel…..an emotion that provides contentment yet is so unequivocally Insatiable…..

 

Fantasy, Reality and Destiny!

I shamelessly admit that I love to dream both day and night but I do know the difference between reality and fantasy, of what I can or cannot have…or do I…I wonder sometimes? Sometimes, I believe too much in the idea of wanting something really bad that I feel that if I just focus my thoughts on it by thinking positive that I might just get it. There is nothing wrong with that school of thought although sometimes the line between reality and fantasy becomes too blurry. I wonder then, if I should stop dreaming and I say to myself…why? Why should I stop dreaming? I know that it is a fantasy and there is a chance that it will never become a reality but what if it could? Isn’t it better to believe that a fantasy could become a reality rather than not believing it at all?

I like to believe that I am a very optimistic person and that anything and everything is possible if you try real hard unless of course, it is not in your destiny. In that case, atleast you don’t have the regret of not trying and not attempting to make an effort to change your destiny…who knows, if the guy upstairs is impressed…he might just grant me that fantasy that I really want to be my reality….oh yeah, I am a religious person although not an orthodox or fanatic one but rather more spiritual who believes in destiny.

So, going back to the destiny thing…I truly believe that everyone has a destiny and ultimately that is what happens but that does not mean that we just sit in one place and twiddle our thumbs waiting for it to happen. It will still happen if the effort is made to make it happen. Also, the effort is more important as compared to achieving that destiny because that effort is our journey that teaches us whether or not that fantasy can become a reality and who knows it just might?

With that belief, I continue to dream and enjoy my fantasies hoping to transform them into realities but understanding that even if they don’t become realities that they were probably not meant to and there is something else out there that is even better and just waiting to happen!

 

A beautiful dream!

…….She stands in moonlight in his living room looking out the balcony door. The wind blows through and the sheer curtains kiss her ever so gently. She stands still in his white shirt looking at the moon wondering about her feelings for him unbeknownst to her he is watching her through his bedroom. He is unable to stop himself and is pulled in by her angelic beauty. As he gently walks up to her, she steps out on the balcony and looks to the moon hoping that he will feel what she feels for him. At that very moment, she feels him standing next to her and she skips a heartbeat. He gently touches her hand with his left hand and turns her towards him while he strokes her face to move a strand of hair back with his right hand. She closes her eyes and rests her face against his hand. He kisses her on her forehead and then her eyes but stops there. She quivers with the electricity flowing through her body and melts in his arms. He carries her inside and lays her down on her bed. He strokes her face with his gentle but strong fingers and silently lies down next to her just holding her like a little baby. She sleeps in his arms in a deep peaceful sleep feeling the contentment of a lifetime. He watches her sleep while stroking her silky long tresses wondering why it took them this long to meet. He is in awe of her inner beauty that makes her more beautiful on the outside and at this moment he realizes that she is the one he was looking for all these years. He awaits for the morning sun to shine so he can express his love to her once and for all……..

 

Forever Love!

You are my love,
You are my life,
You are the strength in my strife,
You are the one who makes me whole,
And, our connection is from deep within the soul,
I will always soothe your pain,
I will ease your strain,
You are the one who brings me joy,
I want you to know that with your feelings, I will never toy,
You are the most important to me,
A person who always sets me free,
Free to do as I always please and live my life the way I feel,
I know our love will continue to grow,
With every passing year, our passion will never slow,
I give you my love today and tomorrow,
Together we will face every joy and sorrow,
On this day, I promise you a lifetime of loyalty, happiness and love,
In return, I expect you to be my guardian angel and love me like a gentle dove,
Together we will overcome all that life throws our way,
And live a complete life full of love that will never sway.

 

….Go on forever!

We are here in this moment,
Don’t know where we will be tomorrow,
Whether we become one or not,
Whether we live or not,
This love will live on forever,
To be forgotten never,
Like a sweet melody,
It will be heard around,
Till the earth goes round,
And the Sky stands proud,
Below the beautiful angelic cloud,
The sweetness will linger on,
And our love shall forever go on.

 

In Love….?

I think I am in love with you. I wonder if that can truly happen without ever meeting someone. Is it just an infatuation or is it true love? I don’t know the answer but I do know that I cannot get you out of my head. I feel your eyes and your invisible touch and it absolutely and truly intoxicates my very being. Is that really possible? I want to feel your gentle hug, want to be lost in your never-ending gaze and stay in that moment forever. I breathe you, I dream you, I hear you within me and I think I feel you too. Is that crazy I wonder, is it puppy love all over again, is it infatuation or is it true love? I don’t know anymore but all I know is that I think I am in love with you…truly, madly, deeply in love. Yes, in love with someone invisible and unknown!